Tuesday was my birthday. I’m sure you’re sick of hearing me talk about it at this point - I’ve only mentioned it one million times over the past few weeks.
But I won’t lie, it was harder than I thought it would be.
I can’t explain my feelings on turning thirty. Excited and nervous. Alive and sad. They are everything and nothing. Like everyone who has ever stopped and reflected on growing older, I remember being a child and thinking that thirty year olds were adults. So wise and put together and old. Yet here I am, a ten year old in a thirty year old body and I am none of the things I thought I would be.
I imagine I will always feel this way. At 60 and 80, and god forbid, 100, I will still feel like the ten year old I have always been, looking out through the eyes of someone much older. Someone who couldn’t possibly be me.
And something about that is comforting. At the end of the day, I am still me -- the me I have always known. Like they say, wherever I go, there I am. Yet I have always waited for that euphoric moment when I would wake up and feel like an adult. When I would feel the freedom that comes with age and wisdom and shaking off one’s insecurities. And I still wait, hoping that a birthday will bring with it the sudden, phoenix-like change I have spent 30 years expecting to find every year on the anniversary of my birth. Ashes and resurrection.
But instead I only felt like the child I was. I am. It all came back to me in one fell swoop, magnified by the sheer weight of my birthday.
Wherever I go, there I am.
I just have to keep reminding myself that change takes time and time takes time. And while it’s not instantaneous, time is beautiful. Strange and beautiful.
But I don’t want you to get me wrong. Despite my momentary melancholy, there was lots of celebration and fun mixed in there. It really was an amazing three week celebration complete with friends and family and surprise parties and lots and lots of love. So much love that it doesn’t even seem real. I truly can’t believe how lucky I am.
But ok, enough introspection. Let’s get to the good stuff.
A few weeks ago I decided that rather than get a birthday cake this year, I wanted peanut butter cup sundaes instead. As a kid I used to have an obsession with the peanut butter sundaes from Friendly’s, and since this birthday was an homage to my youth, I went with it. Peanut butter sauce, real whipped cream, the works. This recipe is far from healthy, but hey, you only live once.
Peanut Butter Cup Sundaes
Vanilla ice cream
3/4 c heavy whipping cream
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
Peanut butter cups
For the Peanut Butter Sauce
1/4 c heavy whipping cream
1 1/2 tbsp sugar
1/4 c light corn syrup
2 tbsp butter
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 c creamy peanut butter
- First make your peanut butter sauce by combining all the ingredients in a small sauce pan. Heat over low, stirring constantly until all the ingredients dissolve. Let cool for a few minutes.
- Make whipped cream by pouring 3/4 cup heavy whipping cream and 1/4 tsp vanilla extract into a small bowl. Using an electric mixer, beat on high until cream whips up to the desired consistency.
- In a microwave, heat your chocolate sauce and marshmallow fluff until just lightly melted.
- Scoop the ice cream and top with however much of the aforementioned toppings you would like.